My Success Criteria
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Yes/No
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Use sequencing words
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yes, some
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Figurative or descriptive language
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yes, some
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Capital letters and full stops and speech marks in right place
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not speech marks yet
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Use W,W,W,W at the beginning
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yes
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End with a reflection
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not yet
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HOLE DIGGING
Written By Toko Jason Phillips
I kept on looking out of the window. When’s Aunty going to get here? I thought. It was the second week of my July holidays.In my room I was moaning and groaning. So I went to the sitting room and sat down
As soon as I heard two trucks come down my road I quickly pulled the door open and rushed to my room. When I ran to my room it felt like I engaged the NOS in a car like fast and furious 2.
Soon we arrived at Aunty Katie's house. “finally were home I said. Aunty where am I sleeping. In the first room. OK”
Next morning it was time for work. “Papa Herb is there any work to do”. “Yes there is. We're going to dig a hole for a new shed. “OK” “lets get on to it papa.” So we went to start the digging. We are going to start from here and dig to here. thats us then so we got onto it. Just then I looked at the big block of mud and thought should I pick it up. Moko lift this up. So I was right. I was straining forever to lift up the block of mud and try put it into the wheelbarrow. “Wow finally you did it yes I did.Moko go help aunty empty the wheelbarrow”. “I said this is tiring ay aunty” “yap it is tiring my boy”.When I said that I was dirty from lifting that big block of mud that I was straining on. “Thats enough for today I’m going to call in my mate”. “Why? because we ain’t going to finish it in time.”
Just then Sam arrived with the digger. That was when we were having a feed. “Some is here I yelled out”. “Woow that was fast as Sam” “I know that was just a little bite of work i’m done here so I’ll see you next time ok.” “Yap”.
That day I’ll never ever forget the time when I was straining to pick the big block of mud at papa Herbs.I’m never going to work for him again.
Hi Toko I liked your story about when we went to Auckland but you need to fix that part about when you said this. First of all we had karakia. You need to improve on that.from Arajah
ReplyDeleteHi Toko
ReplyDeleteA good recount of your visit to Papa Herb's you need to check some of the punctuation in your writing. I think Papa Herb was having you on, he knew all the time Sam was coming. He was trying to see how much of a good worker you would be and I think you proved that you can work just as hard as him.
THANK YOU FOR THAT I APPRECIATE THAT GOOD COMMENT.THANKS FOR THAT WHEAE ROSINA. FROM TOKO
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